Dead End Relationship

deadend-relationship

Never fall in love with a man who does not love you more than you love him.

I just finished a long term “Dead End Relationship” with a man who I thought was “The love of my life.” In the very beginning of our relationship I was a tad bit guarded. I knew how much he cared about me, but I was hesitant to let him in to my heart from fear of it being broken. Then one day he asked me why I was so guarded and asked me to trust him. So I took the risk with Mr.”Faithful” and let him have my heart in its entirety.


Mr. Faithful and I met at an album release party for his client who was my long time childhood friend. I will never forget the day Mr. Faithful approached me as I was anticipating devouring my Red Velvet cake with a few lady friends at my side.  As soon as I put the cake to my tongue there he was looking me straight in my eye smiling. [INSIDE THOUGHTS: WHAT A CREEP *as I smiled*]

So I said hello, in a mildly annoyed tone.

[SKINNY GIRL BIG APPETITE THOUGHTS: I just wanted to eat my cake – thats all]

He answered asking me how are you and I said trying to eat my cake. So, he got up sat next to me and asked me what my name was. I told him my name and then asked him what brought him to the album release party. He went in to explain that my friend was his client and that he was one of the videographers on the latest music video.

I was not impressed. In fact him telling me those things made me ask him more questions. Sounding surprised, I asked what equipment he used, what lighting gels and lights they used for the music video. He didn’t really know what the company did as far as lighting, since it wasn’t his department – so I told him I didn’t believe him and to just be him and that would be good enough for me.

Mr. Faithful was very persistent and a tad intimidated by my curt responses. He asked me to hold on as he walked to his car to get a business card. I still was not wowed. He thought I was playing hard to get. When really I was just being myself. I am never a person to accept BULL SHIT.  If there is one thing I cannot tolerate it is a person who cannot KEEP IT REAL. I probably should have been more observant to the signs, then maybe I would not have been in the predicament I am in today that has caused me to create this blog post.

Mr. Faithful asked for my number that night, but because I didn’t feel comfortable giving it to him I took his instead and told him I would contact him. He didn’t believe me and I told him watch and see.  My lady friends who were sitting with me were beginning to get aggravated with him talking to me and told him – “If you want to talk to her you have to buy us drinks.” Without hesitation he did. He took all of our orders  and I  made sure my male friend at the bar watched him to make sure he didn’t slip a woozy in there on his return.

As I had promised. I text him that night. He did call me, and I rejected the call intentionally. I told him I wanted to take things slow.  So, for the first week we text. The second week we had our first phone conversation and the third week we went on our first date. I felt as though I were really getting to know him.

On our first date he took me to PF CHANG’s. Our waiter was new to the job and couldn’t really get our order correct, but to be nice we gave him a good compliment. Our next date he took me to delicatessen and because of my tardiness we were unable to make the museum before dinner. At dinner he wanted a kiss, but I felt uncomfortable being so affectionate so soon so I gave a peck and continued to eat my meal and sip on my mojito. It was then that I realized he wanted everyone to know that I was with him and that he was happy to be with me, as the other couple in the other side of the restaurant smooched up. I was never one to follow the crowd. I feel as though me being me is enough to stand out and impressing or doing what other expect of me is not as flattering as others perceive it to be. In a way I did feel bad since I rejected him when it meant the most to him, so I apologized and continued with our conversation. I was beginning to get nervous, as I felt he was unable to control his liquor. Dinner was nice and we concluded with a stroll in the city and a trip to MAGNOLIA Bakery. Before walking into Magnolia – Mr.Faithful wanted to skip. My first thought was – what is wrong with this guy. I have never been asked to skip before. SO I DIDN’T.

Date nights happened every other day, and to recap each and every date this post would have no end. So… I will try my best to keep it brief.

After a great night in NYC the next day I received a call asking if he could spend time with me. Without hesitation I said yes, and we went for ice-cream in town.

That weekend I had a date with a childhood sweetheart – which led in to an intimate sleepover.

Mr. Faithful called, but at the time I was too occupied to answer. The next day on my train ride home from NJ I explained to him all that happened – explaining that I was intimate with a man I had been seeing since I was 16. I asked him if he would still like to pursue dating me or if he would like to go our separate ways, and he said it was something he wanted to think about. At that time it was obvious that Mr. Faithful had feelings for me and that I completely crushed him, and I felt terrible. So I told him… I usually don’t do this but if you want to be with me I will end all relationships/contact that I have with anyone else and make it all about you. I am a woman of my word, and what I had promised is exactly what I did. I gave him me in my entirety. He agreed and we began taking our dating to the next level. Because I am women who loves great smells, I had always complimented him on his scent.  That night he brought me a bear who we named Scooby and sprayed it with his cologne. Although the bear was sweet, I slept with it for about three days and by the fourth day I wanted the real thing. HIS BODY.

Every night was phone night. Then on night four I told him I wanted him. So we booked a room at a place on Long Island called THE MANSION. It was our first time being intimate.

I WAS WORRIED HE WOULD THINK I WAS A HOE. WHAT WAS I DOING… I’M NOT EVEN HIS GIRL YET. Was all I could say to myself. Then he came, and then asked for more. So, we did it again. By the next weekend I was being taken to five star restaurants and given whatever without even asking. On our next date we spent it at another hotel. The sex was so good he made me scream which I had never done ever! That night he made my vagina get so tight I pulled the condom off and it got stuck in me. UH ohh – was all I could think. He asked where did it go. I said what do you mean. Before you know it I had my legs wide open as he fished down my vagina for the condom. He found it. Then he looked up at me and said your vagina is so tight it like “Kongfu Gripped” the condom right off me. Sex got better by the months. The next day he had work and asked me if I would like to come. I said sure and got to meet some of the guys he worked with. That night we saw one another again and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Without hesitation I said yes.

I think thats when I was starting to fall in love.

It was Christmas now… and he was leaving for Jamaica to spend it with his family. So the night before I came over to help him pack and exchange gifts. He brought me a diamond bracelet. I was surprised but after looking at the price tag I was beginning to worry – DOES HE THINK HE CAN BUY MY LOVE.  SO we continued to pack and before leaving and made sure I drained him well before he left for Jamaica. It was the first time I made him scream and all i could do was laugh and ask him if he wanted some more. That sex was great, and became a tradition each time before he left for Jamaica for Christmas each year.

Although Mr. Faithful and I seem like super freaks. There were also days that we spent at Bible study. Every wednesday we would go to church and try to come out having a better outlook on life. Each meal we prayed. I could actually say that we centered our relationship around our faith. Occasionally, Mr.Faithful would have jokes about me being Catholic and how he thought I worshiped Mary – but at the end of the day we went to church together and tried our best to get to know one another.

By the next year, he invited me to go to Jamaica with him. It was my first time out of the country. It was a great experience, and one I will always remember. I spent a lot of individual time with his family member and they had the opportunity to get to know me as more than just his girlfriend. His mother later became a great friend and his older sister was a great mentor.

Social media is poison and definitely ruined our relationship. It caused me to question certain things – when maybe i should have but was told I should not have. I really just couldn’t understand how I went from being so confident with my relationship with him before to not knowing who he was at all. So we broke up, but still kept in contact. After six months of figuring everything out he told me he would like to make me his girlfriend again, but did not want to rush anything. The next night was his birthday party and a female friend had hugged him in a way I would have never allowed my friends to hug me. Without causing a scene I looked at him and walked away. From my body language he was able to see that I was bothered by something but did not know what it was. I told him I did not want to talk about it, but he was persistent at finding out why I was so upset, so I told him.

After telling him, it turned in to a huge argument. The next day he left for a business trip to Dubai and all I could think about was the anger I had from the night of his birthday. So, I spoke my mind and told him how I felt. He told me I ruined his birthday and his trip. On his return to the states he didn’t even inform me that he was home. I called him and what should have been just a conversation turned in to a screaming match.

That day he met me in a parking lot. By that time his family had already known that he and I were separated and I began to feel as though he were ashamed to have me around. That week he went on a date with someone out of what he considered anger, she wasn’t like me so he let her go – but still I was the loyal one giving him my all and not receiving the same respect in return.

A situation I should have let go – I held on to – believing that he and I would get back together. For him it was easy to treat me however he wanted to treat me. Although he did believe he gave me the world. Date nights were monthly and I would spend more time with him over the phone than I did in person.

It was absolutely draining. It took a tole on me. Days where I was angry with him, I could feel the blood rushing through my veins. I couldn’t understand why it was happening – I just wanted him to come hold me and tell me everything would be alright, but I was home alone dealing with it. Lack of sleep. No appetite. That was my every day pattern.

Never had I been weak or allowed a man to control my emotions the way I allowed him. All I could think about was what was wrong with me. The next year we were still fucking and seeing one another and I knew that it wasn’t going anywhere but was too afraid to tell him GOODBYE because I didn’t want to hurt him.

His birthday came around again, and this time I was not invited. That stabbed me in the heart and only showed me how he really valued me. It was then that I started to talk to other people, because I felt I was wasting my time with a grown man who had difficulty being honest.

After performing in a movie that I was in  this past august, I returned home with a new state of mind. I started talking to new people. I met a new guy and wanted to allow things to fall in to place. I called  Mr. Faithful and told him I no longer want to do anything with him and that I want to see other people. He said okay.

The next day he came over to get his things and again we were intimate. He told me that I just need to relax and not allow my emotions to take the best of me. When really I was never being emotional I was just showing him how much I loved him and when I felt rejected I had difficulty accepting it.

That week he started dating another female. Although I had started dating other people – it crushed me more that he did it the same week we were intimate.

At the end of the month I told him I was expecting and although he believed he had given me an option to choose – he indirectly asked me to not keep it. It was then that I realized that he didn’t care about me. Late nights he would come over and bring me things that I needed to take care of myself, when he wouldn’t do those things as my boyfriend.

I realized now after looking back that I was so blinded by the dinners and excursions that I did not realized the time he didn’t put in to us.  Those nights he would kiss me on the lips good by. Hug me and wipe my tears. I began to get frustrated. Why now. Where were you when I needed you.

So I made the decision to end things with my “rebound guy” and try something new. I signed up for MATCH.COM…. here’s how that went…..

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