Dressing The Part (1)

Gold-digger: A generally attractive person who seeks out relationships with SugarMomma or SugarDaddy for monetary gain. A gold digger can be a female or male. It is often a mutually opportunistic relationship: the rich person gets sex or companionship and the gold-digger gets money.  -Urban Dictionary


The question a lot of women ask:

CAN YOUR IMAGE MAKE OR BREAK YOUR RELATIONSHIP?


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She’s got a million dollar body.

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Every man wants a woman he can show off.

She just has to be open to being his arm candy.

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Recently, I have been partaking in some online dating with men who have a little more to offer than just the everyday norm.


Welcome to a lifestyle that society highly frowns upon.


  • A lifestyle where you will be offered dates that come with allowances of 10k or more.
  • Dinners worth more than a monthly car note and car insurance combined.
  • Apartments, Shopping Sprees, Cars, Vacations, and lots of spoiling.

You’re his princess…

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Some call  it dating with some extra spoiling, others may call it a career.

BUT with this lifestyle comes an expected image.

CAN YOU DRESS THE PART?


internet-reputation

For months I contemplated being a SugarBaby

What will my friends think of me? Unknown

How can I find a SugarDaddy who would genuinely rimagesespect me and not think of me as his everyday transaction.

Will everything be sexual or could I have other arrangements?

I’m not a gold-digger – so how do I make it clear to him that I am looking for just a relationship?


Its not what you say but how you say it.

A phrase we so often hear, but rarely take notice to.


It took a lot of trial and error – when I created my profile until it grasp the attention of SugarDaddys’ that I were attracted to.

In any case, whenever you are trying to get someones attention – you have to fully understand your audience.

I viewed a lot of profiles (of other SugarBaby’s and SugarDaddy’s), read articles written by other SugarBaby’s, and took a jump into the lions den not knowing what to fully expect.

I needed to fully understand what made me different and what caught their attention.


In the beginning, I was grasping the attention of grandpas and men old enough to be my father.

They all promised me luxurious lifestyles, but I wanted more than that. I wanted something that had substance and lacked embarrassment.

Question is does it exist?


Have you ever attempted a relationship that you were never fully into?

Some of you may say yes, but honestly if it doesn’t make you almost vomit  in your mouth [literally] in some shape or form you were attracted to that individual subconsciously.


To be continued….

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Let’s Get Married.

Situationships vs. Relationships


 

Situationship: any problematic relationship characterized by one or more unresolved, interpersonal conflicts. usually confused with dating. – Urban Dictionary

Relationship: the state of being connected by blood or marriage. A romantic or passionate attachment. –Webster’s Dictionary


 


Ido

Is love a game or do females make relationships more complicated than what they really are?

This weekend I attended a seminar which consisted of male panelists who provided an audience of female attendees with relationship advice on what men want.


  • What do men want?

The truth is men don’t know what they want until it’s gone, or until they have options to choose from where that one person stands out from the rest.

  • Should a female wait for a man if he is unsure about her?

The group of male panelists collectively agreed that a woman who waits doesn’t allow herself self-improvement.  A man would prefer to revisit an old relationship that has improved rather than to receive the same relationship that he lacked interest in previously.

  • What three letter word is most important to a man?

Most women would believe SEX is what is most important to a man and that good SEX will keep a man; however, a mans EGO is what will make or break a relationship.

  • Why does it seem as though there is a double standard with cheating?

Men who cheat feel there is no emotional connection when they are doing the action – and that their act of cheating is solely physical; whereas, men feel females who cheat have an emotional connection with the person whom they are cheating with.

  • Will a man sleep with a woman he wants to be in a relationship with?

Collectively the men agreed that a woman who they would want to make their companion – they would wait for sex and not try to have sex with her after the first or second date.

  • How do you know he likes you?

A female will know a guy is into her by his actions. If he calls, text, and always wants to spend time with her – he’s interested. He’ll never be too busy – because he will always make TIME.

  • Will a man who loves his woman participate in a threesome?

No, because it will affect his EGO. She is not meant to be shared. What they have is sacred – when he is in love with her.

  • Can a woman’s success ruin a relationship?

The male panelists agreed that a woman who is successful is attractive. What is unattractive is when a female attacks a man’s ego – where her intentions are to make him feel less needed or to make him feel as though he cannot do anything for her.


 

The truth is, a man only wants a relationship where he can serve a purpose in that woman’s life. When a man doesn’t feel needed situationships occur.

Ladies looking for marriage, the best advice I could give is to take the advice that the male panelists provided each female attendee.

PLAY it SAFE with online dating

Although online dating can be tons of FUN

It is very important to “PLAY it SAFE

You never know who you will meet or what plan they have for you

Unknown

This may not be your average Public Service Announcement

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but it will make you THINK before you ACT

Something we have been taught to do but so often forget

I think we all have a general idea about the basic GROUND RULES when it comes to online-dating:

No RAW SEX 

 Yes, I know it feels like that Icy Hot commercial with all the bells and whistles, but it can wait

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[AND]

Whatever you do – do not play with another persons’ emotions

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UnknownTHE LAST THING YOU WANT is him showing up at

your house/ job/ all the places you have checked into on google/yelp/foursquare

DON’T OFFER THINGS YOU DON’T HAVE or AREN’T WILLING TO DO

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These people really do exist, and what makes you think they CARE ABOUT YOU?

Well they do – just maybe not the way you thought they would.

If this has not creeped you out enough then let’s get down to the nitty gritty

Go on…

“LET’S TAKE IT ALL OFF”

Kinky right?

I know… for this – it is okay to GO IN RAW

You are going to want to give it all you have got

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–  THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE OF ALL TIME –

  • Make sure you have GOOGLEyourself and removed all personal information
  • This includes:
    1. Your address from online jobs/service sites like Indeed, CareerBuilder, Monster, Craigslist, ect.
    2. Social Media Accounts like LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Pinster, Google+, Instagram, ect.
      • The last thing you want is a creep knowing where you work, your family, your friends, where you went to school, HOW TO PIN YOU DOWN WHEN YOU WANT TO ESCAPE
      • Everyone loves # and @ but how many of those do you get a day?? I SEE YOU!
    3. Are you a SOCIALITE?
      • Well how about putting your phone number in the search box on google, and yes google phone numbers count too – so where does it say you are sitting right now? Say it for me now, I SEE YOU!!
    4. We all love when all of our online information is linked RIGHT well yeah it has just helped the guy from the movie LOVELY BONES find you – he knows all your favorite spots that you have checked into on your phone, which service provider you have (PS: I HOPE THEY GET SERVICE EVERYWHERE) and when you go to and leave all your favorite spots – Creeeeepy!google-search-result-pages

THE TRUTH IS GOOGLE CAN BE BOTH YOUR ENEMY AND YOUR BEST FRIEND 

So use it… use it to death… suck all the life out of it

google-handcuffs

Be the one in possession of the keys to these handcuffs

&

not the one wishing the cuffs were never put on

It starts and ends now…. the choice is yours

Play it safe: Strap up… Lock up…  and make wise decisions.

Put your life in your own hands not the hands of a strangergoogle_logo

  • Now google him – see what you can find.
    • Check for sites like: Whitepages, intelius, tracknumber.org, cell searcher.info

Good LUCK!

When are we hanging out?

Today I logged in to my OKC account to find that I had 25 messages along with my 10 google voice text message all awaiting replies. The demand for attention is becoming a bit overwhelming and today – I made the choice to isolate myself from social media with the hopes of being able to find myself.

BUT THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN.

There have been a few guys who have been pretty persistent at trying to get my attention. Someone of them have chosen to use aggressive tack ticks which have been more of a turn off then a beneficial to them.

One guy who I will call *Brooklyn* spent hours on the phone with me the other night. I really felt as though we were getting to know one another until he randomly came out and asked if he could come over and put his tongue in-between my legs. Not that I am prude, but when asked that by way too many people at one time – it causes me to question the photos I post and if I should just cover myself with a comforter to avoid giving hornballs an picture arrousel.

Today, *Brooklyn* and I are supposed to go to a local cafe. He insist on coming to pick me up, but I feel it is best that we both meet at the location to avoid any unnecessary situations from occurring.

I called Brooklyn to tell him I would meet him at the cafe. He wasn’t too fond of the idea and instead canceled on me. I told him to lose my number. Driving myself was probably the best filter for creeps.

He later responded by telling me that I should not feel like every guys is like the douchebags. I would have believed him had the situation been different, but his action had only gone to show me that he had other motives aside from going to the cafe.

WHO AM I?

Young bachelorette looking to find the man of my dreams before the age of 30.

For some people dating comes easy.

Perhaps I am too picky, or maybe it’s like my uncle once told me…. “You’re going to need a man who is MORE MAN THAN YOU – you know what you want and ‘don’t you settle.’ You’ll need someone who can handle your bubbliness and someone who can handle your strong personality. You’ll drive a man crazy, but you’ll MAKE HIM FALL INLOVE.”

Well truth is, my uncle is 100% right. I do need a man who can handle me on my high and handle me on my lows, because I am a female who doesn’t know how to tolerate the bull__ (fill in the blank), but will cater to my man in a heartbeat with no questions asked.

My mentor once told me, “never fall in love with a man who doesn’t love you more than you love him, AND IF YOU SEE A RED FLAG RUN AND NEVER TURN BACK.” At the time when I was in love I couldn’t understand why she would say that and took offense to every word she said, but after removing myself from my last relationship – I completely understand now where she was coming from.

So who am I:

I’m the female who gets out of the car and a guy will scream hello from the driver seat or passenger side and follows me until I say the phrase “I have a boyfriend.”

On a day at the market or at the mall you’ll see me and when no one is looking you’ll come up to me and say “I think you’re a beauty, can I get your number.”

You’ll like and comment all the photos I post on social media even though I am your best friend’s Ex-gf.

While I pump my own gas at the gas station or attempt to put oil in my car… you’ll stop what you’re doing and say “don’t worry about it Mama – I got this for you, do you need anything else – would you like for me to pay for it for you- what’s your name Miss? Where are you from?”

If I stop by your house to say hello to your mom, you’re girlfriend will panic because your mom loves me more than she approves of her. Your mom will tell me she misses me and to call her to tell her how I am doing and how she is sorry we didn’t work out. She and I will go on lunch dates and talk about life, a friendship you never knew about.

When your “BOY” and I breakup, you’re the first to come and make sure I am feeling okay and ask me if I “would like to go for lunch and talk about it,” but you’re married with kids and everything. Oh yea I forgot not my business -right.

When I am out to a lounge with friends and you want to interrupt our conversation you’ll buy all of us drinks and politely ask me “can I talk to you… get your number sometime to call/text you and take you out on a nice date?”

You said you’re not a cheater, but if you were put in a room with me I could behave myself, but you’ll be reminded of everything you miss and all your MORALS and ETHICS will go right out the window. “Can I just stick the tip in? Can I just see if it taste the same? Can I kiss you?/ or [how about I just go for it and see where it leads me.]” Is what you ask me. I could push you away and TELL YOU NO, but it won’t stop you from WANTING ME.

When I don’t text you – you’ll notice and ask me “did I do something wrong?”

If you’re my guy friend and you know I recently broke up – you won’t blatantly tell me you like me – you’ll just ask me to hang out and hope that I will get the hint sooner or later.

If you’re a guy friend and you know I am in a relationship you won’t try to take me away because you know I am LOYAL, but you will be the first to try and pick up the broken pieces and mend me all back together.

When I walk into a room and you’re with your boys – you’ll go out of your way to give me a hug and kiss.

Even though I am your Ex-Gf if there is something I need – you’ll be there for me because you know I would be there for you.

On WomanCrushWednesday and ThrowBackThursdays you’ll @ me – even if you have a gf because you say I “deserve to feel appreciated.”

If you’re a DJ you’ll shout me out on the mic “this song goes out to the sexiest lady in here today playing hard to get **____** (my name) I see you baby!”

If you’re my male friend and I have hooked you up with another friend – you’ve secretly told me that you’re more attracted to me or that you wish my friend were like me.

On days when you’re having girl problems you’ll ask me “why isn’t she like you.”

You’ve broke my heart like other Ex-Bf’s, but for the rest of your life you’ll continue to tell me the words “I am sorry that I hurt you – I was young and naive, and didn’t know that I had something good in front of me until it was gone. But I guess you don’t want to hear that now. I hope you will forgive me one day.”

When it is Christmas/my birthday/Valentine’s Day you’ll surprise me with goodies even though I didn’t get anything for you. I guess that is your way of keeping “my options open.”

Every holiday I will receive a text that goes something like ” I have been thinking about you. I hope everything is ok *insert holiday greeting*” with kiss emoji to follow.

You want me to be your girlfriend so you try your best to tell me you will “DO WHATEVER I WANT.” Is that supposed to make my panties wet?

After the club you’ll take me for breakfast at a 24hr upscale diner and tell me to “order whatever you like – its on me,” as I get the least expensive thing on the menu.

You’ll take me for shopping sprees then yell at me in the mall when I only buy one item and scream at me because it’s under $10.

You’ll open doors for me even when you know you really don’t have to.

You’ll tie my shoe if I asked you to just so I won’t have to bend over.

You’ll ask me to marry you 3 months in to our relationship and ask me to have your kids, but when I say no – we break up then you’ll get married… text and call me every other day just to say ” I miss you… I love you… I wish I were with you… I should have waited until you were ready.”

When I am at the club you’ll whisper in my ear “you look and smell sweet, can I taste you and make you mine.”

When you feel like you’re about to give up because you thought I wasn’t paying any attention. You’ll scream at me “I like you **___** (my name) I really like you,” and then I will respond “so do something about it.”

Although the phrases make me chuckle or sometimes drip wet to me feet – I want a man who likes me first for my personality and then for my light skin package.

They say light skin is always in, but I am tired of being another persons phase or entertaining a man who in the beginning may not have had all the bells and whistles I was originally looking for. As all guys have in the past. Just this time if I don’t like something about you – I am not interested in molding you to my perceived perfection.

No more settling. No more bull__ (fill it in).

I’m more than just a female who you can “spit game” to in public or acknowledge when it is convenient to you.

If you want to make me yours. You’re going to have to work for it.

After my last relationship with a man I fell so deeply in love with – he crushed me one too many times. I told myself if he and I didn’t work out – I would try online dating. It turns out he and I parted our separate ways which brings me to my wordpress…. my experience of online dating. The pros and the cons – the experience and the humility.

Heres how it went and how it’s going #NoFilter #NoShame

***SIGN-UP TODAY for online dating ADVICE and TIPS on how to use online dating sites.

Back in to old habits

Another shot at it…. This time off to Williamsburg on a rainy cold day in the winter. This guys is different. We spend hours a day talking and most important characteristic that I love about him is he is a germaphobe just like me. With upitty grandmas who think we were stealing from them, both being the same religion and understanding the purpose of a vow at marriage to  going about our life in a complete bubble – he seemed like he had all the nooks and crannies.

Originally we had arraigned to have our first dinner date at some hole in the wall spot in brooklyn, but with the nasty weather we had to make due with something local.

Dinner was at a local italian restaurant. I ordered something he recommended… shrimp alfredo with like some clam sauce… ugh did I mention I hate fish that taste fishy. Ugh nearly vomited in my mouth with every bite. YUCK!

I was not sure if he were trying to impress me – by showing he knew the owners and waiters, but it did make me wonder how often he went to eat the same restaurant with different females.
He offered for me to come up to his condo to talk some more since we had a great dinner and enjoyed one anthers company, but I preferred spending time with him in his community. Something a little further from his bedroom. If you catch my drift.

We ended up speaking for hours, and more and more he turned out to be this really amazing guy.

As the night neared 3am I told him that I better get going. So he walked me to my car and we parted ways. On my way home he called me and we talked some more. Was this the beginning of my newfound relationship?!

That night he said that if he is talking to one person he would like to be a one person kind of guy and hope that if we ended up having a relationship there wouldn’t be a love triangle… HMMM that sounded familiar – so yes… I deactivated all my online dating sites and gave him my true full undivided attention.

I could tell he was really in to me… but at the same time I had my guard up and wanted to know why he was so interested in making me feel wanted.
That night he asked me if I would like to go out next friday to see one another and perhaps go see the knicks play at the garden since we both were huge fans. I said yes to both and enjoyed my unclose view in the 5th row of the court. His best friend was the VP at the garden so he ended up getting a really great deal.

*BEAUTIFUL SKIN* was my first interracial relationship. Within two weeks of being together he was already calling me his girlfriend. I was confused was this normal. I have never dated a guy of his race before maybe  this was how they did things. I told him if he wanted me to be his girlfriend he would have to ask me out the proper way – and he said he was planning on getting down on his knees and saying the big words – hilarious – I told him he didn’t have to make a big thing about it…. all I wanted were to hear those words.

Next he was off to telling his entire family about me. I didn’t know why or why so soon… but I won’t like it made me feel special a tad. So I went with the flow.

He and I had many quality conversations. I told him about my profession and about how a few of my career goals may need me to leave the state for a few months. I asked him how he felt about the situation and without hesitation he said he supported my dreams 100%.

Uhh ohhh before you know it – I was falling for this guy and succumbing to old habits I was hoping to avoid in future relationships.

What I have realized is that it is so easy to set limitations. The hardest part is abiding by them when you’re in the moment.

*NICE SKIN* gave me the world. He had the time that I had always been looking for, the financial support if I ever needed, and when it came time for date night he cooked for me.

There were nights where we baked cookies and had movie night. It was an ideal relationship and almost felt too good to be true.

*NICE SKIN* had premature grey and he asked me if it were an issue. At the time it wasn’t but when he said he would dye it if I wanted it made me curious as to how he would look with one color hair that wasn’t grey. In actuality he was totally against it, but was willing to say anything to me because “HE LIKED ME,” and again I fell flat on my face.

It came time for one of my photoshoots a day that we rescheduled to have his birthday dinner. Originally I wanted to have dinner on his birthday, but he asked if we could reschedule to a day where we could spend all night together since we both had off from work the next day. The photographer ended up being late, he brought me flowers, started preparing dinner and I was supposed to arrive at 8 but didn’t get out until 11:00PM. He was pissed. Went to sleep and didn’t eat dinner. I know terrible girlfriend and yes – I ruined his birthday. We had so many plans but had he stuck to my schedule then everything would have worked out and he would not have been alone that day that he was supposed to celebrate.
He said he understood that I had work, but in all actuality he was very upset that I put my work before him. The next weekend I had a dance performance, and unlike any other day  I didn’t receive my daily good morning/ good afternoon text – so I knew something was wrong. The night before he had went to play poker with some friends and the topic of me leaving for work and not returning until a few months later started to worry him so he panicked.

He no longer wanted to date me anymore. He said it wasn’t going to work and that he proffered a woman with a 9-5 instead of one with a flexible schedule. I understood completely and was willing to compromise myself to make the relationship work, but he wasn’t interested and was very dismissive. Not at all like the person I met in the beginning of our relationship.

Part of me wondered if he had another girlfriend…. or another family, but after doing some extensive google identity check…. It turned out everything he said to me was true.

I like him and at times I wish my career didn’t pull me away from the more pleasurable things in life, but if it were meant to be it would have been. Now I am back to square one searching for prince charming.

Dead End Relationship

deadend-relationship

Never fall in love with a man who does not love you more than you love him.

I just finished a long term “Dead End Relationship” with a man who I thought was “The love of my life.” In the very beginning of our relationship I was a tad bit guarded. I knew how much he cared about me, but I was hesitant to let him in to my heart from fear of it being broken. Then one day he asked me why I was so guarded and asked me to trust him. So I took the risk with Mr.”Faithful” and let him have my heart in its entirety.


Mr. Faithful and I met at an album release party for his client who was my long time childhood friend. I will never forget the day Mr. Faithful approached me as I was anticipating devouring my Red Velvet cake with a few lady friends at my side.  As soon as I put the cake to my tongue there he was looking me straight in my eye smiling. [INSIDE THOUGHTS: WHAT A CREEP *as I smiled*]

So I said hello, in a mildly annoyed tone.

[SKINNY GIRL BIG APPETITE THOUGHTS: I just wanted to eat my cake – thats all]

He answered asking me how are you and I said trying to eat my cake. So, he got up sat next to me and asked me what my name was. I told him my name and then asked him what brought him to the album release party. He went in to explain that my friend was his client and that he was one of the videographers on the latest music video.

I was not impressed. In fact him telling me those things made me ask him more questions. Sounding surprised, I asked what equipment he used, what lighting gels and lights they used for the music video. He didn’t really know what the company did as far as lighting, since it wasn’t his department – so I told him I didn’t believe him and to just be him and that would be good enough for me.

Mr. Faithful was very persistent and a tad intimidated by my curt responses. He asked me to hold on as he walked to his car to get a business card. I still was not wowed. He thought I was playing hard to get. When really I was just being myself. I am never a person to accept BULL SHIT.  If there is one thing I cannot tolerate it is a person who cannot KEEP IT REAL. I probably should have been more observant to the signs, then maybe I would not have been in the predicament I am in today that has caused me to create this blog post.

Mr. Faithful asked for my number that night, but because I didn’t feel comfortable giving it to him I took his instead and told him I would contact him. He didn’t believe me and I told him watch and see.  My lady friends who were sitting with me were beginning to get aggravated with him talking to me and told him – “If you want to talk to her you have to buy us drinks.” Without hesitation he did. He took all of our orders  and I  made sure my male friend at the bar watched him to make sure he didn’t slip a woozy in there on his return.

As I had promised. I text him that night. He did call me, and I rejected the call intentionally. I told him I wanted to take things slow.  So, for the first week we text. The second week we had our first phone conversation and the third week we went on our first date. I felt as though I were really getting to know him.

On our first date he took me to PF CHANG’s. Our waiter was new to the job and couldn’t really get our order correct, but to be nice we gave him a good compliment. Our next date he took me to delicatessen and because of my tardiness we were unable to make the museum before dinner. At dinner he wanted a kiss, but I felt uncomfortable being so affectionate so soon so I gave a peck and continued to eat my meal and sip on my mojito. It was then that I realized he wanted everyone to know that I was with him and that he was happy to be with me, as the other couple in the other side of the restaurant smooched up. I was never one to follow the crowd. I feel as though me being me is enough to stand out and impressing or doing what other expect of me is not as flattering as others perceive it to be. In a way I did feel bad since I rejected him when it meant the most to him, so I apologized and continued with our conversation. I was beginning to get nervous, as I felt he was unable to control his liquor. Dinner was nice and we concluded with a stroll in the city and a trip to MAGNOLIA Bakery. Before walking into Magnolia – Mr.Faithful wanted to skip. My first thought was – what is wrong with this guy. I have never been asked to skip before. SO I DIDN’T.

Date nights happened every other day, and to recap each and every date this post would have no end. So… I will try my best to keep it brief.

After a great night in NYC the next day I received a call asking if he could spend time with me. Without hesitation I said yes, and we went for ice-cream in town.

That weekend I had a date with a childhood sweetheart – which led in to an intimate sleepover.

Mr. Faithful called, but at the time I was too occupied to answer. The next day on my train ride home from NJ I explained to him all that happened – explaining that I was intimate with a man I had been seeing since I was 16. I asked him if he would still like to pursue dating me or if he would like to go our separate ways, and he said it was something he wanted to think about. At that time it was obvious that Mr. Faithful had feelings for me and that I completely crushed him, and I felt terrible. So I told him… I usually don’t do this but if you want to be with me I will end all relationships/contact that I have with anyone else and make it all about you. I am a woman of my word, and what I had promised is exactly what I did. I gave him me in my entirety. He agreed and we began taking our dating to the next level. Because I am women who loves great smells, I had always complimented him on his scent.  That night he brought me a bear who we named Scooby and sprayed it with his cologne. Although the bear was sweet, I slept with it for about three days and by the fourth day I wanted the real thing. HIS BODY.

Every night was phone night. Then on night four I told him I wanted him. So we booked a room at a place on Long Island called THE MANSION. It was our first time being intimate.

I WAS WORRIED HE WOULD THINK I WAS A HOE. WHAT WAS I DOING… I’M NOT EVEN HIS GIRL YET. Was all I could say to myself. Then he came, and then asked for more. So, we did it again. By the next weekend I was being taken to five star restaurants and given whatever without even asking. On our next date we spent it at another hotel. The sex was so good he made me scream which I had never done ever! That night he made my vagina get so tight I pulled the condom off and it got stuck in me. UH ohh – was all I could think. He asked where did it go. I said what do you mean. Before you know it I had my legs wide open as he fished down my vagina for the condom. He found it. Then he looked up at me and said your vagina is so tight it like “Kongfu Gripped” the condom right off me. Sex got better by the months. The next day he had work and asked me if I would like to come. I said sure and got to meet some of the guys he worked with. That night we saw one another again and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Without hesitation I said yes.

I think thats when I was starting to fall in love.

It was Christmas now… and he was leaving for Jamaica to spend it with his family. So the night before I came over to help him pack and exchange gifts. He brought me a diamond bracelet. I was surprised but after looking at the price tag I was beginning to worry – DOES HE THINK HE CAN BUY MY LOVE.  SO we continued to pack and before leaving and made sure I drained him well before he left for Jamaica. It was the first time I made him scream and all i could do was laugh and ask him if he wanted some more. That sex was great, and became a tradition each time before he left for Jamaica for Christmas each year.

Although Mr. Faithful and I seem like super freaks. There were also days that we spent at Bible study. Every wednesday we would go to church and try to come out having a better outlook on life. Each meal we prayed. I could actually say that we centered our relationship around our faith. Occasionally, Mr.Faithful would have jokes about me being Catholic and how he thought I worshiped Mary – but at the end of the day we went to church together and tried our best to get to know one another.

By the next year, he invited me to go to Jamaica with him. It was my first time out of the country. It was a great experience, and one I will always remember. I spent a lot of individual time with his family member and they had the opportunity to get to know me as more than just his girlfriend. His mother later became a great friend and his older sister was a great mentor.

Social media is poison and definitely ruined our relationship. It caused me to question certain things – when maybe i should have but was told I should not have. I really just couldn’t understand how I went from being so confident with my relationship with him before to not knowing who he was at all. So we broke up, but still kept in contact. After six months of figuring everything out he told me he would like to make me his girlfriend again, but did not want to rush anything. The next night was his birthday party and a female friend had hugged him in a way I would have never allowed my friends to hug me. Without causing a scene I looked at him and walked away. From my body language he was able to see that I was bothered by something but did not know what it was. I told him I did not want to talk about it, but he was persistent at finding out why I was so upset, so I told him.

After telling him, it turned in to a huge argument. The next day he left for a business trip to Dubai and all I could think about was the anger I had from the night of his birthday. So, I spoke my mind and told him how I felt. He told me I ruined his birthday and his trip. On his return to the states he didn’t even inform me that he was home. I called him and what should have been just a conversation turned in to a screaming match.

That day he met me in a parking lot. By that time his family had already known that he and I were separated and I began to feel as though he were ashamed to have me around. That week he went on a date with someone out of what he considered anger, she wasn’t like me so he let her go – but still I was the loyal one giving him my all and not receiving the same respect in return.

A situation I should have let go – I held on to – believing that he and I would get back together. For him it was easy to treat me however he wanted to treat me. Although he did believe he gave me the world. Date nights were monthly and I would spend more time with him over the phone than I did in person.

It was absolutely draining. It took a tole on me. Days where I was angry with him, I could feel the blood rushing through my veins. I couldn’t understand why it was happening – I just wanted him to come hold me and tell me everything would be alright, but I was home alone dealing with it. Lack of sleep. No appetite. That was my every day pattern.

Never had I been weak or allowed a man to control my emotions the way I allowed him. All I could think about was what was wrong with me. The next year we were still fucking and seeing one another and I knew that it wasn’t going anywhere but was too afraid to tell him GOODBYE because I didn’t want to hurt him.

His birthday came around again, and this time I was not invited. That stabbed me in the heart and only showed me how he really valued me. It was then that I started to talk to other people, because I felt I was wasting my time with a grown man who had difficulty being honest.

After performing in a movie that I was in  this past august, I returned home with a new state of mind. I started talking to new people. I met a new guy and wanted to allow things to fall in to place. I called  Mr. Faithful and told him I no longer want to do anything with him and that I want to see other people. He said okay.

The next day he came over to get his things and again we were intimate. He told me that I just need to relax and not allow my emotions to take the best of me. When really I was never being emotional I was just showing him how much I loved him and when I felt rejected I had difficulty accepting it.

That week he started dating another female. Although I had started dating other people – it crushed me more that he did it the same week we were intimate.

At the end of the month I told him I was expecting and although he believed he had given me an option to choose – he indirectly asked me to not keep it. It was then that I realized that he didn’t care about me. Late nights he would come over and bring me things that I needed to take care of myself, when he wouldn’t do those things as my boyfriend.

I realized now after looking back that I was so blinded by the dinners and excursions that I did not realized the time he didn’t put in to us.  Those nights he would kiss me on the lips good by. Hug me and wipe my tears. I began to get frustrated. Why now. Where were you when I needed you.

So I made the decision to end things with my “rebound guy” and try something new. I signed up for MATCH.COM…. here’s how that went…..